Trapped Inside a Five Year Olds Body at Eighteen Years Old💔

*This is an emergency blog post, mostly because I need to get a point across! I don’t mean to be rude though*

I am currently sat here at 23:32  on a Tuesday night, sat in bed writing this to you all hoping to get a pretty big message across to whoever reads this tonight, just a little eye opener from my point of view. So please, sit back, relax and just take some of what I say in, it would mean a lot to me…

Okay, so I am eighteen and nineteen this year. However, I can’t get dressed or undressed unaided, I can’t put the toothpaste on my toothbrush, I can’t brush my hair (unless I want to take a time machine back to the 80s, because that’s what I would look like!) Oh, and on that note I can’t put my hair in a hairband etc at all. I can’t cut up any food I attempt to eat, or drink a drink out of a cup that’s full unless I want to chuck it all over myself in the process, and end up with nothing to drink anyway! That is just the tiniest list ever, but it seems like nothing to most of you right? That’s because it is your routine and that’s okay.

In the nicest possible way, with no disrespect whatsoever, some people that have my disability don’t know that their routine is any different to any able-bodied person, but I do. I get told by so many people, “go to a disability support group and hang out with people the same as you”. Or, “go in your manual chair and do more Physio to build up your strength”. Well, here is how I see it, I do NOT want to go to a disability support group because I am with my friends who are able-bodied or who have the same sort of disability as me, or who I have grown up for years with. All of these friends I love all the same, but a special shout out to my four best friends Chloe, Hannah  Max and Emilie for just being the definition of incredible and giving me hope to carry on the next day. Oh yeah, point two…  I do NOT want to do Physio all the time, I couldn’t care less about my strength levels, because to me? I am the same as my best friends, they don’t need Physio and I want to be that way too.

I get that I can’t get dressed and all that, I get that I can’t get rid of my wheelchair because that is impossible! But, I can decide if I don’t want a massive blue wedge or any equipment to keep my legs in position. I can decide when I want to go to sleep at night, I can decide what I want to post on my social media accounts and I can decide if I want to be the employer of my PAs… but, for some reason I don’t get that with at least 95% of the people in my life, just because I have a registered disability, even though I am eighteen years old!

So, let me get one thing straight… I am mentally like any of the people my age, I just can’t walk or use my right hand. I am currently in the middle of a university course in Play Therapy. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I feel trapped inside a broken body! It’s a horrible feeling because the only thing that has broken my mind is my mental health. But, I guess that’s just the way life is right?

Don’t judge a book by its cover💯

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