*Possible Trigger, but a very small chance*
What I’m about to write and share with you all is very personal, but I’m going to share it because, when I first got told about it there wasn’t much information or support out there and I don’t want anyone to feel alone. So sit back, relax and enjoy reading a very important part of my story…
Anyone who has followed my blog for a long time will know that I have struggled with mental health conditions for a long time now. A very huge part of this is my eating disorder, Anorexia. Because of this, it has recently exalted out of control, so I have ended up in a unit at a mental health hospital. It has opened my eyes as to how bad things have got and because of this I realised I needed help.
Every Thursday for the last six weeks, I have had to follow a set routine from 10am-7pm. This included eating all three meals a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner, as three snacks a day, morning snack, afternoon snack and evening snack. For everyone else without an Eating Disorder this seems like nothing big, just the norm right? But when you’re used to going all day without food, this is a massive and trust me, I mean MASSIVE challenge! I also had to sit in groups to teach me how to cope with things at home, or away from the unit or my ‘safe place’ as I like to call them! I can say it’s the most difficult six weeks of my life so far, I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotional.
However, don’t get me wrong, I can say I’ve had some of the best times of my life in there too! I’ve met the most amazing girls in there, I wouldn’t have wanted to go on the journey I have been on with anyone else, they are honestly lovely. I can now call at least one of them my best friends and that’s the best thing I could ask for! We’ve laughed together, cried together, made our own lunch/dinner and forgot we put it in the oven, meaning we almost burnt it completely, but just stood there and laughed! I’ve had some of the best heart to hearts, to have a group of girls who at the beginning were strangers but turn into people you’ll never forget and now calling them one of my best friends is amazing. All of us supported each other and celebrated each other’s achievements, when I couldn’t believe in myself, they believed in me! Oh and when it all got too much, me and the girl I now call my best friend would go for what we now call a ‘discreet vape’, which always made the day easier!
I have now been discharged from the unit, this week has been my first week without being in there, which has been difficult, but I’m trying my best. But I am still an outpatient, which means I am going to have 1:1 support at home and near enough weekly visits up to unit to see everyone and go and ‘discreetly vape’ with my partner in crime!
I guess the main point I want to get out of this, is that it’s okay not to be okay! The first step is asking for help and admitting things are not manageable by yourself anymore and that’s okay. The first step is always the hardest, but it’s also the first step of recovery!
So to anyone who reads this and are struggling, please stay safe, keep smiling and know that there is always someone will be proud of you!
Lots of love,