With Mental Health Summer is one of the worst times of year, I look forward to Autumn\ Winter so much more! Here’s why…
Autumn is one of my favourite times of year. The t-shirts go away, the hoodies come out, the short sleeves are gone for another year, which means even when it’s not freezing cold, you can get away with wearing long sleeves without getting questioned. The sun goes in which means you won’t get too hot anymore, which minimises that factor of passing out. Don’t get me wrong, you still have to stay dehydrated, which is one of my biggest struggles with my Eating Disorder… That’s something to contend with all year round! It can sometimes be too cold for me to want to go out, because of my reconstructed hip, which in a way when I’m really anxious helps. I get to get into bed earlier, which when my bed and to shut away the world is the only thing I want, it really helps to get away with that and make me feel safe!
Although, It’s not all good, because with mental health when is it ever all positivity and optimism?! The warm meals come back in the evenings, the dizziness will still be there, it gets darker earlier, which means the overthinking starts earlier on. The sleep deprivation doesn’t change and neither does the meal planning, close monitoring and food diaries.
As autumn turns to winter, the fear starts all over again, like summer, but with different reasons. Everyone knows that winter is pretty much based around Christmas, and Christmas mainly revolves around food. Christmas with an Eating Disorder is hell on earth, Christmas Eve is normally spent with the family, having a pre Christmas little meal for me and my family. Last year this happened and I had a panic attack, just at the thought of it. We entered my family Hotel restaurant and the only way I would go in there was if we were in a quiet area, my cutlery was moved away from me and none of the waiters were allowed to ask me anything to do with food! I got through it thanks to my godmother and left the hotel calm and pretty happy. But, then I got into bed and realised it was going to be happening again the next day, I was a wreck with a mask on the whole of Christmas last year. It ended and so did New Years, I sighed relief as I realised this didn’t need to happen for a whole other year. Well, that time is nearly up again and the shops are starting to set up for Christmas. This year I feel like my ED state is worse… I’m totally not ready to accept that this hell is going to be happening again soon!
Although for now, I can seek the early benefits of autumn and celebrate some exciting things coming up before Christmas! I will try and prepare myself the best I can and try to ‘manage my emotions’ in the ways I have been briefly taught!
Happy Autumn to everyone without having to worry about this! Those I know who are in the same situation as me, I will be just a message away from now onwards and we will get through this together. We will fight against mental health and do everything we can to prepare, plan and find ways to get through it. Most importantly though, we will try our best to ENJOY the parts we can too!
Here’s to the last few months of 2017! Stay strong, keep smiling and always remember that it’s okay not to be okay.
Lots of love, strength and positivity,